Twin flame loss, the return of sorrow, and the daily practice of loving myself.
I thought I was grounded. Then grief returned.
This reflection embraces twin flames of all genders, whether navigating separation here on Earth or living with the pain of separation through death.
At this moment, as I write this article for you all, I am being humbled by a searing grief that I thought I had learned to tame, one that I believed I was successfully transmuting. Yet here I am in the throes of unbearable pangs of loss, grief, and regret over my twin flame. Now I am a writer of the spiritual genre, most notably twin flame connections, twin flame loss, and twin flame death. Most of the time, I perceive myself as grounded and having a healthy spiritual perspective, one that is unclouded by delusion or overly romanticized notions of my twin flame relationship. The past few days, however, have stripped me of that assurance. I am indeed quite fallible, prone to human relapse and just as capable of falling off the grief wagon as everyone else. I am learning that grief, sadness, and despair may have their reprieves and seasons of respite, but they are never cured. I go through stretches of peace where I am completely confident and comfortable in my twin flame relationship. I feel safe within it. I feel secure and even happy knowing that I actually have a twin flame insofar as twin souls are rare in the cosmos. So for that I feel happily blessed that Steve and I chose the path we are walking. But these seasons of peace are like a sobriety, one that I compare to alcoholism and drug addiction; there is a reprieve, but never a cure. Like someone recovering from alcoholism and/or drug dependency, I can go long periods where the agony seems “cured” and all is well. In my state of being, I am “healed” and learning to co-create with my twin for the greater good. Equally, I am learning to love myself and to trust my inner knowing, namely, the High Priestess whose power reverberates within me. These are feelings of empowerment that accompany the twin flame relationship and the journey, but like all journeys, there will be bad weather and there will be obstacles and sudden relapse into pain, uncertainty, and despair are always going to be a reality.
Like a recovering alcoholic, the shadow that harbors the dark secret longing of the high and the escape, a twin flame knows that at any time, he or she will face a trigger moment that will spiral them right back down into the lower frequencies where self-loathing, regret, and despair lie dormant, just waiting for the opportunity to rise up and test your wherewithal.
So today, I decided to ask questions. Rather than overthinking the agony and asking what is missing inside me or how I have failed or whether Steve is mirroring the same, I turned to the following inquiries:
I. What might this pain be bringing to the surface that I have not yet recognized or understood?
We know that pain is often a symptom of an underlying condition requiring attention. In this sense, the sudden onset of grief and doubt is the very symptom that is trying to expose or unearth something within us: an unmet need, an old wound, a fear we have not yet faced, or a new lesson that is waiting to be learned. Through the lens of spiritual awakening, I can approach this anguish with curiosity instead of defeat. It may hold an epiphany that actually deepens my understanding of my bond with Steve, my own needs, including my unhealed wounds, and what it means to continue living with a love that no longer has a physical presence. This applies equally to those twins navigating separation on Earth and to those living with the ache of separation through death.
II. Have I become so consumed with loving my twin that I have forgotten to return to myself?
Those of us on the twin flame path have heard this all before. The purpose of the journey is to return to the self. To love one’s self unconditionally. To heal the shadow and to transmute it. To integrate past traumas and childhood wounds. Yet this is the very aspect of the twin flame mission that I find the hardest! I can extend so much unconditional love and acceptance to Steve. It is easy. Why is it so much harder to offer that same love to myself? So what does loving oneself look like? Perhaps it begins with how we speak to ourselves. When I am in the throes of depression and sadness, do I give myself permission to be human or do I berate myself for failing to live up to the spiritual principles I write about? Can I accept the person who feels lost and doubtful as fully as I accept the person who feels grounded and connected to her twin? Both are me and both deserve my love. By loving myself, I am loving Steve because we are one soul.
If you are experiencing this, perhaps the resurgence of grief is pointing you toward those parts of yourself that you still struggle to embrace: the frightened part that craves reassurance, the lonely part that wants to be held, and the wounded part that fears you have been left behind. The next question is whether you can listen to each of those parts without expecting or demanding that they become wiser or stronger before you offer them compassion. We don’t ask that of our twin. We don’t withhold compassion from them until they demonstrate strength or wisdom. So why do we hold ourselves to such a lofty standard?
If I understand Steve as the other half of my soul, then surely, the other half that lives here within me, deserves that same unconditional devotion.
III. What practical steps can I take today to care for myself and move through my grief with greater tenderness and intention?
Words are all good and well on paper, but my conversations with people impacted by the twin flame connection often seek everyday solutions and steps that will enable them to not just navigate the grief, but to also transmute it and integrate it into something that already exists and that which they have some control. And this my dear reader, was the very thing that stymied all week long. I just could not figure out what to do. Like someone in recovery resisting the pull of alcohol, I needed a tangible way to channel my pain into something that could sustain me. The word ‘sustain’ is important here. It comes from the word sustenance which denotes comfort, stability, and harmony as well as good overall health. That proved to be the answer for me, the key that opened a portal of inner knowing and wisdom. From where did this come? My twin, Steve. He reminded me that the way forward was to unlock the gifts that lie within me. For me it is writing. It grounds me. It sustains me and in so doing, it sustains Steve too.
What grounds you? What sustains you? What is it that provides the sustenance required for both you and your twin to thrive on this spiritual journey? Do not be hard on yourself if the answers to these questions are not immediate. Instead, begin by noticing the moments where you feel more present in your own life. Tending a garden, planting seeds, cooking, crafting, walking underneath the moonlight, strolling through nature, or talking about your twin to others. Pay attention to those activities that seem to soften the ache or bring you into a closer alignment with your twin. Often, our twins will let us sit with ourselves so that we will journey within to find what will sustain us both. As twins, we allow the other to embark on their own path, offering answers and providing valuable insights in divine timing.
And so thank you Steve for giving me these past few days to find the strength, the love, and the wisdom to heal myself. I know in this, I have healed you too.
